


All Too Well

by cate-lynne (catelynne)



Category: Avengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-05
Updated: 2015-12-05
Packaged: 2018-05-05 00:48:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5354567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catelynne/pseuds/cate-lynne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a bad break up with Clint, the reader turns to her best friend, Steve, for comfort.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Too Well

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sharedwithyou](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharedwithyou/gifts).



> I don't really know where this came from. But it's for the lovely sharedwithyou, because this is my first Clint-fic and I know it's not happy, but still.

It was close to midnight when I knocked on Steve’s door.  The sobs that were building in my chest were starting to hurt my ribs, but I pressed my lips together, determined not to fall apart until I was somewhere safe.  Because this, a deserted hallway in the middle of Avenger Tower, was not safe, very not safe.  I was too exposed, my grief too raw for so much vulnerability.  I stood there, waiting, knowing that the one person who had never failed me before wouldn’t leave me out here for long.

Five minutes later, I was knocking again, the tiniest of sobs escaping my lips without consent.  And that was it, that was all it took for me to become  exactly what I was dreading.  Sobs were exploding out of me, my cries loud and gut-wrenching.  I leaned heavily against the door, feeling the cool wood against my cheek as I slid down to the floor.  I faintly registered footsteps approaching but I didn’t care.  I was lost, too far gone in my memories to register the strong arms that lifted me from the floor.  I barely flinched as the door opened, letting out a waft of cold air.  He was calling my name, shaking me, frantic with worry, but I could barely speak.  When I looked him in the eye, he recoiled from the look on my face.

This was it.  This was how I finally broke.

…

_“Relax, (Y/N). You have to relax.”_

_Warm hands crept up my shoulder blades to the juncture between my neck and shoulder, massaging gently.  I breathed deeply, trying to obey, but honestly, the hands on my bare skin were really distracting.  I took another deep breath, trying to block him out, when suddenly a pair of warm lips were on the back of my neck.  I gasped and accidentally released the arrow he had been trying to teach me how to shoot.  It clattered against the ground, skittering into the far corner of the room, but I didn’t care._

_“Clint…”_

_“Shh,” he whispered, turning me around to face him.  His mouth was on mine and fire was in my veins.  My thoughts were muddled but it didn’t matter, I could still move, could still respond to him like everything inside me was telling me to._

_When he finally pulled away to look at me, tucking some hair behind my ear, he laughed gently at my wide-eyed gaze._

_…_

“He broke up with me,” I said between sobs.  “Clint.  He left me.”

“Oh, (Y/N),” Steve sighed, pulling me close, into the shelter of his embrace, arms holding me together since I no longer could.

…

_“Oh my God, someone please shut them up,” Tony groaned from his pilot’s chair in the quinjet. Everyone else either chuckled or muttered agreement except for Steve, Clint and I.  Steve was staring out the window, deep n thought and not paying any attention at all.  Clint and I were the culprits that Tony was referring to.  We were loudly singing through the entire Frozen soundtrack…for the third time.  It passed the time and this particular flight home from a mission was agonizingly long.  I smiled over at Clint, melting a little when he grinned back.  How did I get so lucky?_

…

“All this time,” I hiccupped.  “I thought he _loved_ me.”

The memories were swirling around my head, trying to make sense of what was going on, reconciling the past with the present.

“Of course he did, (Y/N)…”

“Then why? Why would he do this to me?  I gave him everything I had, Steve.  I…I’m nothing now.  I haven’t got anything left to give.”

“That’s not true,” he argued.

“It is!”

…

_“Will you watch where you’re going? Jeez,” I muttered from my place in the passenger seat.  I was cross-referencing a few lists for Tony, trying not to pay attention to my boyfriend’s atrocious driving skills._

_“Sorry, babe,” he grinned at me.  “Got distracted looking at your beautiful face.”_

_I tried not to smile and hid my blush behind my papers but I knew he knew I was melting inside.  Again._

_…_

Steve held me for hours before moving me to his bed where he let me sleep, opting to take the couch instead.

...

_“What’s this?”_

_“Hmm?” he didn’t look up until I was practically standing on him, a tattered flier for a travelling circus in my hand.  “Oh, that.  Yeah, I grew up in the circus.  It’s where I learned to shoot.”_

_“Really?”_

_“ Yeah…”_

_We sat on the couch for hours, talking about our very different childhoods, laughing a little bit, crying some, but mostly happy to have someone to share with._

…

When I woke up, I almost forgot.  I wasn’t confused as to why I was in Steve’s room,  that happened often enough on movie nights.  It took me a couple of seconds to register the throbbing pain in my head and to realize that the pillow was wet with tears.  That’s when the crushing weight of everything that had happened fell on my again.  Tears filled my eyes, thinking of the last time I had seen him happy, really happy to see me.  It had been a while ago…

_…_

_“Babe? What are you doing?”_

_“I’m making a snack.”_

_“At two in the morning?”_

_“Yep.”_

_A couple of moments of silence, only interrupted by my rummaging around in the fridge, before his arms were around me, his face buried in my neck._

_“You’re impossible, you know that?”_

_…_

When I emerged from the bedroom, Steve was already up and waiting with breakfast.  I sat down heavily in the chair that he held out for me.

“How are you doing?” he asked carefully, coming around the other side of the table to sit across from me.

“Better,” I said quietly, eyes trained on my plate.  “Listen, Steve…I’m sorry.  About last night.”

“Don’t be,” he said with a tiny smile.  “That’s what friends are for.”

_..._

_“What are you saying?”_

_He sighed, turning away to grab a duffel bag from the closet._

_“I’m leaving, (Y/N).  I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.”_

_“Do what?” My eyes were filling with tears as I fought to control the rampant emotions that were swirling around my chest._

_“Be with you!  It’s just…not what I want anymore.”_

_His back was still turned, so I dashed my hand across my cheeks, suddenly angry, so angry, at the tears that had escaped._

_“Then go,” I choked out._

...

The rest of the day was spent hiding in Steve’s rooms, trying not to wallow in my sorrow.  He called Fury to tell him we weren’t coming in today before curling up on the couch with me, flipping through channels.  Around three o’clock in the afternoon my phone rang.  From where it rested on the coffee table, we could both clearly see the caller I.D., both of us tensing when we read it.

“Are you going to answer it?”

“No,” I say resolutely, turning my attention back to the television.  Steve relaxed beside me and tried not to think about the missed call, or the little icon that showed once unheard voicemail.

Three days later, a box showed up outside my door, full of the things I had left at Clint’s.  I had been struggling against the depression, the crushing emptiness that filled me when I wasn’t around Steve.  I had tried going back to who I had been before, but wasn’t really sure who she was without Clint.  So I wandered around my floor of the Tower, not really sure what I was doing.  Steve showed up most nights to try and put me back together, but how can you put back together something that was shattered into a million pieces?  Clint Barton, my first love (my first for a lot of things) had destroyed me.

…

_“Hey.”_

_“Hi.”_

…

Eventually, I got to the point where I could pass Clint in the hall without even glancing twice at him.  To my surprise, Steve asked me out.  I figured out who I wanted to be and I let myself feel happy again.  The crushing weight I had experienced lifted, though there were still some fractures in my glued-together heart.  For a whole year, I lived my life Clint Barton-free.  We still went on missions together and hung out with the team, but the interaction between us was minimal.  The icon on my phone for an unheard voicemail blinked at me the entire year until I decided to listen to it, just once.

…

_“(Y/N), I’m sorry.  Shit, I messed up.  But I can’t…I can’t have you around me.  I love you too goddamn much to watch you get hurt because of something stupid that I might do.  I know that I hurt you.  I had to.  I’m sorry.  Where- Where are you?  Are you with him?  Probably are.  He loves you, you know.  I can see it in the way he looks at you.  He’s just waiting for me to mess up.  And I did.  I did.  And I’m so sorry.  So, so sorr-”_

_…_

Oh, Clint.


End file.
